And at long last, the waiting is over. Competition schedules for DERT in Bristol now published; Main, DERTy and Traditional.

cropped-DERT-2015-logo1.jpgWe’ve kept you waiting a while and teased you with vaguely humorous trailers involving various teams.

Well, wait no longer for ’tis here; the full list and schedules for DERT 2015 in Bristol.

We’ve tried to shake it up a little so that Main Competition teams see many other teams dancing during the day. Don’t forget the Off-piste Social Media Competition, dancing in as many off-piste pubs as possible and documenting each one on social media with the #DERT2015.

DERTy is a little different this year with feedback given verbally to the teams with some practice time allowed. Then they dance again with scores averaged and the winners announced.

Traditional, well we put Phil and Aubs together with Mr Forster in the middle to keep order. And you can’t get more traditional than that. Badum tish.

Main Competition (10:40 – 16:40 in 6 different pubs)

Tour final (1)

DERTy (11:30 – 14:30 ish in St George’s Bristol)

11:30 Agents of R.A.P.P.E.R
11:40 Heage Windmillers 3
11:50 Horizon Hellbillies B
12:00 NYFTE
12:10 Young Miscellany
12:20 Horizon Hellbillies A
12:30 Heage Windmillers 2
12:40 SteelKingz
13:30 Agents of R.A.P.P.E.R
13:40 Heage Windmillers 3
13:50 Horizon Hellbillies B
14:00 NYFTE
14:10 Young Miscellany
14:20 Horizon Hellbillies A
14:30 Heage Windmillers 2
14:40 SteelKingz

Traditional (16:30 – 17:30 in St George’s Bristol)

16:30 Thrales – Beadnell
16:42 Locksided
16:54 Sallyport
17:06 Thrales – Amble
17:18 Tower Ravens
17:30 Stone Monkey

And at long last, the full schedules for Bristol DERT 2015; Main competition, DERTy and Traditonal

cropped-DERT-2015-logo1.jpgWe’ve kept you waiting a while and teased with vaguely humorous trailers involving various teams.

Well, wait no longer for ’tis here; the full list and schedules for DERT 2015 in Bristol.


Tour final (1)




16:30 Thrales – Beadnell
16:45 Locksided
17:00 Sallyport
17:15 Thrales – Amble
17:30 Tower Ravens
17:45 Stone Monkey

Thrales cloning experiment goes horribly right

In an unprecedented move, the brave lads of Thrales have taken one of our experimental creatures and cloned him repeatedly, creating an entire team of po-faced misery. Their spokesman, a Mr Dick van Dyke, said, “Gor blimey guvnor, we’re in a right two-and-eight and no mistake. And lawks. Our genomic antics have produced a set of Rapper Beasts, each one of which has a total inability to put a smile on its boat race. Apples and pairs. Gor blimey. Lawks.”

We have no idea what he meant, but the photographic evidence (filched from Facebook) is incontrovertible . Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Lovely Jubbly

                                                             The five-headed Thrales hydra Beast: lovely Jubbly

An improved accessibility statement for DERT 2015 in Bristol.

IMG_4181.PNGWe’ve had it pointed out to us that we didn’t include other pertinent and/or relevant information in our accessibility posting on 16th March. We apologise for that, and hope that this update is of better use.

 St George’s Bristol

St George’s Bristol is a listed building, this means that some parts of the building have limited access. There is a dedicated accessible entrance from Charlotte Street, via two external lifts, and a lift in the foyer providing access to St George’s bar. The galleries are stair access only.

Limited parking space is available for blue badge holders but must be reserved in advance, please call the Box Office.

Hearing-Loop T logoSt George’s has a T-loop hearing system, and welcomes guide dogs in all parts of the venue.

Accessible toilets are located within the bar, access again by lift.

There will be dancing at this venue from 11:30 until 14:30 and from 16:30 until 17:30, along with the evening’s Showcase from 18:45.

Competition pubs

The Bank Tavern is wheelchair accessible through the side door (87cm width) with a small step. Ladies toilets are up one medium size step. Gent’s toilets are down a long steep flight of stairs

The Beer Emporium is fully accessible with level access provided via a lift, there is a disabled toilet on premises.

The Shakespeare Tavern has five stone steps to the entrance, there is no handrail. Male and female toilets only.

The Gryphon has access via a minimum of three steps to the public entrances. (there is specially arrange-able access via their staff door which is narrow, please call the pub to discuss). Steps also to the rear of the pub. Both sets of toilets are accessed by a short flight of stairs.

Big Chill has ramped wheelchair access to the side of the building and they do have a disabled toilet. There is the main bar and a small seated area on the same level as the toilet and access point. As one of the oldest buildings in Bristol there are several levels and there is not full access throughout the whole venue.

The Fleece – the entire venue is accessible from street level and there is a large disabled toilet.

There will be sword dancing in all of these venues form 10:40 until 16:40.

Attention s’il vous plait. DERT 2015 warm-up timings and locations announced. Also, the clock is ticking on merchandise pre-sales too.

warm upIt wouldn’t be fair now would it, to send you dancers and muso’s straight into the competition without limbering up and stretching those sword handling muscles?

No Edwin, you’re right. It wouldn’t.

So what lies below is the info you require for your warm-up dances. The pubs involved have kindly agreed to open at 10:00, allowing you in to dance until 10:30. For some of you, this pub will be your first competition pub, for others not so. Please look CAREFULLY at the full main competition dance schedule that will be published tomorrow (Wednesday).

It is your responsibility to be where you need to be. Timekeeping is important, as you will lose marks if you are not on time at each venue.

The warm-up schedule has been carefully devised so that those on first are dancing in the competition first etc. Please do not jump in front of them. If they are not there, well, then that’s their problem. You have 30 minutes to warm up, the main competition starts at 10:40 sharp.

Bank Tavern Beer Emporium Big Chill
Wardrobe Outlaws Stone Monkey Warwick
Black Swan Jockey Durham University
Gaorsach Thrales Newcastle Kingsmen
Star and Shadow KM (C) Crook Morris Pocketflyers
Thrales Mudlarks (Vet.) Tower Ravens Whip the Cat (C)
Gryphon Shakespeare Tavern The Fleece
Sheffield Steel Medlock Mabel Gubbins
Silver Flame Locksided Whip the Cat (P)
Stone Monkey Silverbacks Star and Shadow EC  (P) RX Sword
Maltby Phoenix Mons Meg Scally Rapper
Heage Windmillers NYFTE Sallyport



DERT final posterThere are just 3 days left before pre-ordering of merchandise closes.

Please visit the SHOP page to chose your t-shirt and snap up a limited edition poster, or maybe a shiny shiny badge. thanks to those who’ve made a purchase so far.

Pre-ordering closes at noon on Friday 3rd April, after that it’ll be first come, first served at DERT itself.

All pre-orders can be picked up from the merchandise stall at the Welcome event or at the Showcase.


Northern TV stars welcome ex-soldier ichthyophile

Robson Kingman

In an unprecedented move, we’ve been contacted by the Society for the Rehabilitation of Retired Soldiers Who Like Fishing, about their ground-breaking research into how stars of the small screen can help these often overlooked individuals back into society.

A spokesman for SRRSWLF said, “We’ve heard that TV luminaries sometimes take pity on ex-squaddies with a piscine fixation and, using the medium of Blades of Death, help them to reintegrate with civvy street. We would very much like to talk to them about the methods they employ.”


Sadly, we had no idea what he was talking about. However, if you’d like to watch the Newcastle Kingsmen having fun with Robson Green, you can do so here:

[humorous link to ITV Player]

Oh yes, and they’ll be at DERT as well. Track them down as you wish:

11:00   Big Chill
11:40   Spotlight at The Fleece
12:40   Beer Emporium
14:30   Bank Tavern
15:10   Shakespeare Tavern
15:50   Gryphon

A spokesman for the Kingsmen said, “They were originally called wrappers, you know.”

And lo, behold the die-stamped DERT 2015 badge in shiny shiny nickel that comes with a pin back and a presentation box.

DERT badgeAnd they’ve arrived!

The DERT 2015 badges have arrived via UPS courier. They’re die-struck in nickel measuring 31mm across and come with a pin back and in a presentation box.

What a keepsake to have to hand me down and show yer grandkids!

There’s a limited edition been struck and are available to buy on the SHOP page. You can pick them up at the event. Less than 2 weeks away. Shudders.


DERT 2015 in Bristol receives news of striped simian sock and hosiery research opportunities. No honorarium available. Soz.

Stone Monkey LegoA flurry of emails in the DERT 2015 inbox this morning!
We’ve recently been approached by the Royal Academy of Barcodes who are conducting research into the incorporation of striped product identification tags into various item of fashion and apparel.
To this end, they’ve asked for help tracking down groups who use such chic items in their everyday clothing.
We can’t think of any.
However, if you’d like to take part in this study, the sedentary, sedimentary simians of Stone Monkey can be found thus:
10:40 Beer Emporium
11:50 Big Chill
12:40 Gryphon
14:20 Shakespeare Tavern
15:00 Bank Tavern
15:50 Spotlight at The Fleece

Or in 2D, on posters and t-shirts at

Shock DERT 2015 news update. Animal related rapper team suspected of feline flagellation. Read all abaht it!

WtC Lego 1Just this very morning we’ve been approached by the RSPCA who are conducting research into the use of cheap puns as a mechanism to raise awareness of dance competitions.

They requested any information we might have about groups with names that sounded a little bit like they might be concerned with animal abuse.

We couldn’t think of any.

On an unrelated topic, here are the places you can see Whip the Cat’s Premier team:
10:50 Spotlight at The Fleece
11:30 Gryphon
12:10 Big Chill
14:30 Beer Emporium
15:30 Bank Tavern
16:10 Shakespeare Tavern

See them in 2D, on t-shirts and posters at

At DERT 2015 join dancers from ‘ooop North, dahn Sarf and those on the Monkey line. A representative of the Federation of Scottish Stereotypes writes…….

Gaorsach LegoIn further news, we’ve recently been approached by a representative of the Federation of Scottish Stereotypes asking, “Whaur can Ah see some wemmen jiggin wi’ swerds?”

Now, we have absolutely no idea what she may have meant by this, but if you’d like to see some women from Scotland dancing with swords then your best bet is to seek out the feisty Gaorsach at the times and places below.
Just remember to plug your ears lest you be deafened by the loud “Grrrr” noises they tend to make. There really is no stopping them.
See them in 2D, on t-shirts and posters at
11:00 Bank Tavern
12:00 Spotlight at The Fleece
14:00 Beer Emporium
15:00 Big Chill
15:40 Gryphon
16:20 Shakespeare Tavern